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The Disney Conspiracy: Ten Gruesome Fairy Tale Secrets That Dear Old Walt Covered-Up
As a kid, my loving parents sat down next to my bed and read me Cinderella, Snow White, and many other fairy tales. While they thought they were being good parents, they were in fact warping my mind with fake stories whitewashed by the likes of Walt Disney. Imagine my surprise when I found out the truth, in the form of my first boyfriend liking my boobs better than my glass encased feet. So I started to do some research into these supposed fairy tales. You won’t believe what I discovered.
Or maybe you will.
We don’t know each other that well for me to make assumptions…
Ten Gruesome Fairy Tale Secrets Disney Covered-Up:
- Good help is so hard to find. There is no magical kiss for the pure as white princess when her prince arrives on scene as the seven dwarves are carrying her corpse into the woods for burial. The necrophiliac prince is so taken with the dead chick that he carries her off to his kingdom. Sometime later, a servant accidently jars the poisoned apple from her mouth, and bingo, Snow White wakes.
- The tale of the Piped Piper is a cautionary story about pedophilia.
- Red Riding Hood took a wrong turn and ended up eaten by a wolf. No grandma’s big eyes involved. No goodie basket. Nothing but bad directions given by an untrustworthy wolf.
- Under the sea things aren’t what they seem. Instead of marrying the prince at the end of the Little Mermaid, the mermaid dies after refusing to murder her beloved.
- Contrary to what Disney says, Sleeping Beauty was raped by the prince while she slept, and only wakes after giving birth to twins. Imagine her surprise.
- Rumpelstiltskin is not dead. He’s out in the woods, waiting for just the right girl to weave Gucci knockoffs.
- Things do not end well for the trespassing Goldilocks, as she is eaten by the three bears.
- Hansel and Gretel have a run in with the devil and his wife.
- Those poor ugly stepsisters in Cinderella whack off bits of their feet to fit the glass slipper.
- Cinderella kills her own mother so her father can remarry. I guess karma’s a bitch, but then again so is Cinderella.
When Kazimer isn’t looking for the perfect place to hide the bodies, she spends her time surrounded by cats with attitude and a little puppy named Killer. Other hobbies include murdering houseplants, kayaking, snowboarding, reading and theater. After years of slacking, she received a master’s degree in forensic psychology, which she promptly ignored and started writing novels for little to no money. In addition to studying the criminal mind, Kazimer spent a few years spilling drinks on people as a bartender and then wasted another few years stalking people while working as a private investigator in the Denver area. You can find her online at jakazimer.com.
Izzy is tough, and sneaky, and not too thrilled with the idea of being the new tooth fairy. The last six have been most gruesomely extracted. But Blue has a feeling that whoever is killing the tooth fairies is worse than your standard big bad psycho. The fairy council is hiding something. The Shadows are moving out into the light. And Blue is saddled with a shocking power that could take out half of New Never City…
Chapter 1Of all the fey PI firms, in all the kingdoms, in all the lands, these twin hairless fairies had to walk into mine.Of course I knew why they were here.“My rent’s not due for two days,” I said, propping my feet on top of my worn desk. It groaned under the weight. Not that another forty-eight hours would matter in the scheme of things. I’d still be a few hundred short of meeting my monthly office space rent.The PI biz wasn’t what it used to be.And it used to be pretty damn bad.Hell, I only had one case in the last month and I’d yet to see a penny from it. Of course, I hadn’t quite solved it either. But I would. Blue Reynolds, PI, always gets the job done. Eventually.“Blue,” Peyton, the taller of the two fairies, said as he hefted his tiny pants. They rose an inch, showing off a pair of green and white kids’ socks. “We ain’t here for the rent. We want you to do a job for us.”I leaned back further in my chair. “Nope.”Frowning, Peyton consulted with his twin brother, Clayton, in a hushed whisper. They argued for a second, finally nodding in apparent agreement before facing me again. In unison they shot me equally creepy and earnest smiles.A lesser man might’ve found their pixie-shaped faces and wistful plea cute. Not me. I’d dealt with fairies too many times to fall for their adorable act. In general, fairies were winged devils; these two were in particular.“Please,” they said. “For us?”Again I shook my head. This time with greater emphasis, so much so that the bones in my neck popped. I tilted my head back and forth working out the kinks as the twins regrouped.“Come on, Blue,” said Clayton, the shorter brother. Shorter was relative since neither he nor his twin stood more than two feet tall. “It’ll be a piece of cake.”“You said that about the last job.” I kicked off my combat boot and wiggled four toes through the hole in my sock. “I still haven’t found my toe.”Peyton winced, but Clayton, true to his demonic nature, giggled. “Guess he didn’t go running wee wee wee all the way home like we figured.”